| Movin' along |
[25 Jan 2008|12:44pm] |
I've decided to start working under a pen name.
As a result, I'm moving to a new location.
If you're interested, stop by and see what you think. I'm not gonna lock it or anything.
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) l_m_keating
Also, I decided I'm lazy. So I won't be moving entries over or anything. Enjoy what's here, and for new stuff come see me at my new place.
Here's to hoping.
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| 19: If It Isn't Broken (Don't Fix It) |
[24 Aug 2007|12:02am] |
Something's wrong
Oh, it isn't?
I'm sorry to push my neurosis on you
You're not saying much,
and I'm hearing a lot of breaking and cracking
wearing and tearing
My glue can't hold you together anymore
Oh, you're okay?
Then why are you quiet?
Something has to be wrong.
Oh, it's nothing?
I'm sorry to push my neurosis on you.
I know I can't fix the peices that haven't fallen yet
But you're being so quiet
Stop being so private.
I can help if you let me.
You aren't alone.
Oh, you want to be?
You're not saying much,
and I'm hearing a lot of ripping and shredding
popping and peeling.
My wand is running out.
Oh, you're okay?
I'm sorry to push my neurosis on you
I just want to help, but you don't need it.
Maybe I just need to see it.
But I'm here if you need me when something is wrong.
Even if it isn't.
As with everything I write, this is a work in progress.
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| (from the Old Days) 18: Sweet Release |
[26 Jun 2007|06:17pm] |
Confusing conversations,
Tummy ache sensations,
Nothing left to say now,
I wanna tell you…
But how?
This I stand with content,
Words that are important,
The truth is what I’m missing,
Our hugging and our kissing.
Is this what keeps you away?
So I die another day,
365 long and ever growing.
The clock doesn’t move any faster,
Conceal my pain with plaster.
You can’t keep me on empty,
Your absence fills me plenty,
With overflowing tears,
And constant dragging fears.
Echoes ringing insecure,
The price of that is all too sure.
Empty nights,
Bleeding hearts,
Pieces slit,
No longer fit.
What is left for me to seek?
The aftermath has left you weak.
What you want,
You left behind,
Forget your pride,
Then look inside.
Find me there,
Piece by piece,
And take me back,
To sweet release.
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| 17: From The Heart |
[21 Jun 2007|03:16am] |
I don't know where I'm going
But I know where I've been
I can't help but go back, when new things can begin
I know where I am
and I know you're here, too
So let me take your hand, so my 'one' can be 'two'
I know you're alone, and I know what you want
Everytime I think of you I think "faded, full of hope"
Vibrant, I know you are, if only you saw what I see
I don't know where you're going
I don't know where you've been
You can't help but go back, when new things can begin
I know where you are
and you know I'm here, too
So I'll let you take my hand, so your 'one' can be 'two'
I know this isn't what you pictured, this isn't what you want
But all it is, is me
This is all I've got
We don't know where we're going
But we know where we've been
We can't help but look forward, as new things do begin
We know that we're here
As our 'one' has become 'two'
So hold onto my hand, and try to see as I do
Because I know you're vibrance lives
Just a little deeper inside you
You know who you are
and now you know me
I hope that I can help to fix
What it is you fail to see
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| 16: Definitive |
[15 Jan 2007|06:42pm] |
I've always said
And this was backed
By my friends
I don't let my handicap
Be what defines me
And I don't
But often times
It seems I won't
Let things go by
And they confine me
The man that I was
Long ago would hate
Who I am today, because
I let all things innate
Be the ties that bind me
And in this life
When I want to do what's right:
Helping friends with their strife
I often lose sight
And my thoughts defy me
But my heart is
Always in the right place
Despite at the start
The look of anger on my face
'Cause I think others ostracize me
But in the end
When all's said and done
I'll realize what I've said
And then let my heart be the one
That redefines me
Written by my good friend, t_b_octavan
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| 15: Lesson For A Lifetime |
[21 Oct 2006|05:43pm] |
He likes games
and jokes about the male anatomy
I like words,
and I fear him seeing me for the dork I really am
But he’s teaching me how to be comfortable
And my defenses are winding down
I wonder if he watches me sleeping
And I wonder what he thinks of me when I’m not looking.
He loves me for reasons I can’t understand
All I know are my own
I wonder what I’m teaching him
I want some of me to rub into his skin
To seep beneath his temper and stubborn surfaces
Not to disintegrate, but to soften
Like the calm waves of the ocean blue;
Eyes that I could into for a life time
Eyes that I want to be forever falling into
I think we could teach each other
A lesson for a lifetime
‘Cause we’re better people when we’re together
I’m better, and my defenses are winding down
Play your games and tell your jokes
But don’t forget to open up and let me in a little
‘Cause you said you’re better, and it’s because of me
Softened, and out of the shell
A lesson for a lifetime.
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| 14: A Vision (Where I Want To Be) |
[30 Aug 2006|01:10am] |
I know I'm not there yet, but I wanna be.
There where the rest stand,
stand without getting tired and aching.
I know I'm not there yet, but I wanna be.
On the horizon line, with the rest of them
plunging over the edge, headfirst.
But I lack the balance to beat the waves,
and the current pulls me down,
down unto the sand.
And all I can do is watch them disappear before the sun.
Everyone disappears.
But I see you coming back,
back into focus.
And you take my hand and pull me up again
For once I'm not alone where I am.
Everyone disappears, but we remain.
Together.
In the same place.
Together.
Looking in your eyes, I see a vision of us.
And suddenly, the only places that matter
are our own.
Everyone disappears, and I don't miss them.
I stand without becoming tiresome or aching,
I swim and the waves and current do not phase me,
I plunge and do not fear landing on my feet,
'cause I know that you'll be there to catch me
or even pick me up again.
And I'll look in your eyes, and I'll see that vision of us.
And I'll know that this is exactly
Where I want to be.
Everyone disappears, but you remain.
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| 13: Don't call off The Search |
[29 Jul 2006|04:59am] |
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I’ve ended a journey, and now I’m stuck. How does anyone really know that what they do is right? Where do they go? When do they know it’s time? How do they get there and do they come back? Are they different? How? I’ve lived my life with the guidance of others. How was I supposed to know I could think for myself? It was always handed to me. Where do I get it from? How do I hold onto it? I can feel it slipping through my hands already. It’s gone and I haven’t even gotten there yet. I’m anxious to see what’s beyond it. I can see the beacon, he’s standing there with his bright blue eyes, a glow around his figure. His voice makes the sun rise and the waves move in and out. Listen and you can hear his heartbeat in the wind. He is there. My time isn’t up yet to find it. I just into the clear, all advice behind me. It’s better that I do this on my own. It’s better if you do. I am apart of the Flow, I am one with the Shape. I am infinite. The beacon is with me and I am at peace. I know where to go without sight or direction. I am my own shining star. I find serenity in the Shape and the perfection in it’s purpose and in mine. I have found my beacon and he has found me Paradise. I have just as many questions now, but answers, too. I am. That is all. I am.
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| 12: Tug-O-War |
[30 Jun 2006|03:08am] |
Offer me your hand, and I will offer mine.
Sometimes it's hard to tell if give and take is balanced,
sometimes I feel it isn't, and I wonder how much you have left to give.
I find, everytime, that I can't hide from you.
'Cause I'm so awkward, sometimes, and the peices of me are everywhere.
And you pick me up and hold me together with whatever it is that keeps you with me.
I'm falling, waiting for what surrounds to fall, too.
Even though I'm holding, buckling beneath myself,
My actions apply the pressure, and I'm scattered at your feet again.
You hate that, I know.
I'll offer you my hand, and you, hestitant to move,
I don't blame you for that look in your eye, or the way you sound when I call
I wish I understood enough to make you understand.
I may not be all there, with peices of me trailing every step you take
But I know as well as you, that there is a lot of good in what we have.
And even though I'm crazy, I can be strong and hold myself together,
If you, offer me your hand, and if I offer mine
We can take them both and see...that give and take...is balanced
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| 11: from another |
[01 Apr 2006|10:08pm] |
This is the poem from the movie, Before Sunrise.
Delusion Angel
-By David Jewell
Daydream delusion.
Limousine Eyelash
Oh, baby with your pretty face
Drop a tear in my wineglass
Look at those big eyes
See what you mean to me
Sweet cakes and milkshakes
I am a delusioned angel
I am a fantasy parade.
I want you to know what I think.
Don't want you to guess anymore.
You have no idea where I came from.
We have no idea where we're going.
Lodged in life.
Like branches in the river.
Flowing downstream.
Caught in the current.
I'll carry you. You'll carry me.
That's how it could be.
Don't you know me
Don't you know me by now
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| 10: Evolution |
[24 Mar 2006|10:33pm] |
this was written a while ago. apparently i posted it to my old fictionpress account and forgot about it. if i remember clearly it was directed to my family, moreso my younger sister who i've always had trouble getting along with. anyway, this is it...
I lied to you before.
I do expect more, from you I expect all.
Yes, it may be too much to ask, but I'm barely hanging on
Here, where there isn't a single truth to be found, buried under ashes of falsities.
I beg you to be my truth, I yearn to be cleansed of all these dirty little secrets which I can't decode or begin to comprehend.
Who do they speak of when they speak of me?
Which me is it they see? Oh, if only I could see what they see...
I know the slips of tongue go too far in conversation.
I just want acceptance. Understanding and acceptance.
God forbid I should ask for friendship or even affection.
They swore they'd never touch anything that didn't seem "right" to them.
But what the hell is "right" anyway?
Nowadays, we're lucky to have just a little bit of normal in an everyday routine.
So what part of your routine is normal?
To poke and joke at those you think stand beneath you?
I wish you knew how wrong you were, and I'm sorry that you're gonna see it in the long run.
When it's too late to save you, your sorry ass is going to drown in everything you dished out.
I lied to you again.
Your approval doesn't matter to me anymore.
I have moved on from your pathetic ways.
I have picked myself up and washed my hands of the ashes.
I am going to drag on with whatever bit of dignity and hope I have left
because embarrasment doesn't mean failure,
it just makes strength.
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| 9: oh, fulfillment! |
[15 Mar 2006|11:08pm] |
my fingers are so desperate to make the pen move!
my head buzzes in a red light/green light pattern of verses, words, ideas.
but the brilliance gets lost in the translation, and my utopia sits
on the tip of my tongue.
i want everyone to listen, and be moved
to the point of passionate rhythm, and a climax too good for any explanation.
and no one will go back to their lovers or "special" friends.
for that moment in time i will capture every fucking soul that surrounds me.
and i will lay each one down with care, and compassion.
gratitude and peace will resignate in every direction.
i will have made my contribution.
and the pen will lay to rest, and the book will close.
if the author won't go down in history, at least the moment will.
that night, some night,
the world will quiver to the core.
and on my floor will forever lay
the socks of the universe.
a garment to remind me that,
i once owned the world.
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| 8: *under construction* |
[02 Mar 2006|02:32am] |
and i'm addicted,
wishing i were addicting.
don't take away my fix, instead,
admit that i am yours.
something you need that burns deep and can't
go away without me.
i want to be an addiction
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| 7: Me vs. Uncertainty |
[19 Jan 2006|07:32pm] |
The Future and I sit idle in stare.
Whoever blinks first loses. Loses everything that's dear.
Don't move a muscle, don't move an inch.
Let go of all the impulses, they don't make any difference.
But oh, how I scream from the inside. Nothing is worth doing if it's not something you love.
I love life;
movement, emotion: swallow me and see what becomes
Paranoia, insecurity, frightened, determined.
I am the result of a life lived on impulses.
Passion is my defense, and love is the strongest of any sheild.
Charge, and conquer The Future.
Make it blink, and make it blind.
Blurring vision with words that come out definitively, and loud.
Broadcasting my vow:
PASSION, SUCK THE MARROW OUT OF LIFE!
FUTURE, FACE ME AND BE BEATEN!
SELF, TAKE LIFE WHERE IT HURTS!
Charge, and conquer The Future.
Make it blink, and make it blind.
I can hold out longer, I can be stronger.
Blink, blind.
I win.
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| 6: The Looking Glass |
[02 Nov 2005|03:25am] |
I look into the glass, but I don’t see myself.
She stands next to me, and her perfection radiates in every direction.
I look into the glass again, still not me, everything is wrong.
I try to match her, but I can’t.
There is always something wrong.
But her outsides do not match what is in.
Hidden deep beneath the skin, she is wrong.
I am perfect in ways that no one can see.
I look into the glass, still not me, at least not obviously.
Because the me that I see is the only one that counts.
The me that I see is the one she wishes she were,
on the inside.
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| 5: Unending 1st Impressions |
[05 Sep 2005|12:26am] |
A perfect day would begin and end with you
Even though I know I sometimes don't deserve it,
I'm in your arms, fighting to stay there and become a better person
Because I'm only good for one thing,
being with you is all that I can achieve on the first try
Even though I know I sometimes don't deserve it,
I'm in your arms, fighting to stay there and become a better person
Because I know how sad you are when you think I'm fading
but if you only knew how devoted I was,
how devoted I was, you'd never doubt my love
Even though I know I sometimes don't deserve it,
I'm in your arms, fighting to stay there and become a better person
A perfect day begins and ends with you,
looking at me like you do, I'm the only one in the world
the only one...only one....
I know I'll only have one chance to prove myself
Even though I know I sometimes don't deserve it,
I'm in your arms, fighting to stay there and become a better person
I'm a better person,
And everyday is perfect,
when it begins and ends...with you...
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| failing Johanna |
[15 Jul 2005|02:04pm] |
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For her birthday my best friend requested a story. Oh muh gawd.
I haven't done a short story in a while. And the few times I have, I've hated it. I always hate my stuff, and envy everything I read by anyone else. It's torture!
Still...the past few days I've sat in front of a blank word document for almost an hour. Thinking of where to start, where to go, and whatnot. It's impossible to come up with anything. In my head everything is the same.
Ontop of this, she also requested that it have a lot of "twists." Jesus H. Christ! I can't do this.
I love to write. But I can't do THIS. I'm not inspired. But I'd hate to let her down...
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| 4: Untitled (for now, anyway) |
[13 Jul 2005|12:30am] |
This was originally written for a new community I joined called ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/community.gif) _write_me, but I decided to post it here as well...
*A door opens,*
and my life is no longer on hold.
A smile plays across my face.
True, it's all talk,
but it's also so much more than that.
A friendship blossoms with each conversation,
and with each goodbye there is a promise of another meeting,
in hopes to chase away reality, which I have come to hate.
Then, *a door closes.*
My life embodies a screen, and I live through a keyboard and a mouse.
I don't know where I'd be if any of it changed,
but I know I live for that sound;
*A door opens*
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| 3: Take A Picture, It'll Last Longer |
[11 Jul 2005|03:02am] |
She can't ignore the eyes.
Children, curious, know no better.
Adults, ignorant, know too well.
But it doesn't stop the weight she feels upon herself.
Everywhere she goes it's waiting for her.
Her inner voice begs for a place to hide,
but she won't be conquered so easily, she can't.
And so her only option is to meet the eyes that stare, burning into her,
and smile a smile that only the so-called "special people" can make.
One that says, "I know I intrigue you, you can't deny a glance."
In truth, they intrigue her, too.
But what they don't know about her,
she already knows about them;
Everything.
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| 2: Unknowingly called "Cecilia" |
[16 Jun 2005|03:23pm] |
I can't compete with anything
My self-confidence is too shallow to even moisten the soles of your feet
Forgive my dry humor, I'm not used to people listening
Or having things I say really matter in conversation
Evenso, I continue to view the world in my favorite color
And everything resides in purple, and is pretty all-around
I am content in my own world, I need only small things
Love, care, appreciation, loyalty
But truthfully I'll take whatever you can give me
Because I love the way lies feel against my skin
I will be happy with anything
Even if it is hand-me-down, second-rate
I am more comfortable with "used"
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